Why I'm Such a Catch

Lately, different people have commented that I need to have more confidence in myself. This criticism has always perturbed me as I find it difficult to walk the delicate line between appropriate confidence and arrogance. We all know that Egyptian males have not only completely missed this line, but they also seem to be unaware of its existence. To them, arrogance is appropriate confidence. But that’s neither here nor there. I’ve decided, in order to refute this “lack-of-confidence” claim, I’d take this opportunity and list the many reasons why I’m such a great catch:

I work in IT. My husband will never have to worry about me flirting with other guys at work.

I can’t walk in high heels. This means I’ll never spend the rent money on fancy designer shoes. Unless they’re a limited edition pair of SB Dunks…in which case, we can always live with my mom.

I know all the U.S. Presidents by name, in order. This would be useful as my husband and I unwind after a long day at work; I would turn to him as we’re sitting next to each other, gaze into his eyes, and then whisper gently into his ear, “Number 1 was George Washington; Number 2 was John Adams…”

I’m small. I can fit comfortably in two-seater sports cars, on the backs of motorcycles, or even Vespa scooters. My husband will never have to worry about me cramping his style.

I don’t have many friends. There’ll be no need for my husband to compete for my time. “Honey, are you free this Friday night for dinner?” “Let me check my schedule….just kidding, you know I have no friends!”

I don’t wear much make-up. This means my husband won’t have to worry about getting lipstick on his collar. Unless he’s cheating on me with someone who does wear lipstick. In which case, he'll have a lot more to worry about...primarily his health and safety.

I drive fast. I play sports. I eat beef jerky. I’m the definition of delicate and feminine.

I can’t cook, but I know all the specials at the best restaurants and fast food establishments in town. Thursdays are Italian BMT Day at Subway! Mmmmmm.

I have an affinity for memorizing the lyrics to songs. It’s a useless quality, I know. I just threw it on the list to make myself feel better.

I rarely ever watch TV. My husband will never have to worry about me wishing he was more like McDreamy, or McSteamy, or McFictional-Character-Who’ll-Never-Exist-In-Real-Life.

I know how to separate the whites from the darks when doing laundry. But multi-colored underwear confuses me.

But best of all, I have a great sense of humor. So when my future husband reads this list and thinks to himself, “How did I end up so lucky?” He’ll turn to me, and I’ll be wearing a t-shirt that says, “I’m with stupid.”

Wait, did that just ruin the whole confidence thing? Oh well :)