Misread

How come no one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it’s up to me now
Should I take that risk?
Or just smile?

I have to admit. There have been times in my life when I was a little emo. I didn’t wear black or lock myself in my room and paint my nails with white-out…but I got bummed out. It was during those times when I discovered some of the best music ever. For instance, there was this one time in college where I got all upset about a boy who didn’t like me. I sat in my little dungeon of a room (no really, a dungeon…it had no windows) and stalked him on Facebook. Sighing with every photo tagged of him, I noticed he had posted a link to a song he liked. So, like any good stalker, I inevitably clicked it…and listened the hell out of that song. Either I was a little too depressed or this was a great band, because I downloaded every song that Nordic duo ever made. I realized that their lyrics weren’t really all that emo; they were insightful. And as I listened to Kings of Convenience again this past week, I was inspired.

If there’s anything that I have ever wanted since I was a kid, it was to know the truth. About everything. It didn’t matter if the truth came in the form of a right answer to a math quiz or what Danny REALLY thought about Sarah…I wanted to know it. As I’ve grown older, “the truth” has taken the form of God’s perfect will. Because really, God’s will for my life is the only absolute truth that I need to know.

But something happened recently where I realized at what cost I would have to pay for knowing that truth: loneliness. You see, the world around us is full of lies. Beautiful lies. Tempting lies. Convenient lies. Lies that make you feel good about yourself, or lies that wipe away your conscience. No matter how you put it, it’s no coincidence that the Prince of Lies and the Prince of the World are the same guy. And the worst part is that we buy into these lies every day. Every time we deny God’s will for our lives, we’ve purchased another lie. And I was the first one with my debit card in hand, waiting in line.

I was faced with a choice that we face almost daily: pursue something I knew was wrong, or accept and submit to God’s will. And for the first time in a long time, I made the right choice. A couple months ago, I made a choice to throw out the lies that I had bought and buy something else in its place. And the cost of truth was loneliness. The thing is, it’s not that sappy, self-pity, depressing kind of loneliness. It’s that go-against-the-grain loneliness. That “I don’t care what the kids at school think of me” loneliness. That “They can stare at me all they want” loneliness. Or that “I’ve found something greater, mightier, and more wonderful than anything of this world” loneliness.

And honestly, it feels good to be alone. Because I’m not really alone.