One of the infamous characteristics of my culture is its ever-glorification and unequivocally esteemed importance of marriage. For those other Egyptians out there, you already know what I’m talking about. For the non-Egyptians, it would take much more than a blog to explain the twisted inner-workings of my culture. Just know that getting married is almost equivalent to…actually, there is no equivalent in the American world. Maybe like winning an Oscar or something. That might be the closest comparison.
Since I was a little girl, I’ve been fed the idea that getting married is my ultimate goal in life. Well, just behind getting into Heaven, but only slightly. Getting married means you’re secure, you’re taken care of, you’ve become independent of your family, you’re at the cusp of beginning your life. Or basically, you’re a screw up and a shame to the family name if you don’t get married. Unless of course you become a nun, but then you’ve hit that other goal about Heaven, so it’s ok. It’s a great parenting technique. You end up raising girls who are overly self-conscious, under arbitrary and fabricated pressure, and incapable of speaking or thinking about a guy without the thought “could I marry him?” streaming through their mind. It’s kind of psycho when you think about it.
The best part, is when these girls grow up. Some of them follow the cultural rules and regulations, settle down in their early twenties, and pop out the babies. Life’s goal = complete. While others decide that maybe marriage isn’t as imminent as everyone around them would like it to be, do their own thing for a bit, maybe earn a few more degrees, maybe travel the world, maybe 100 other things that life has to offer. And it’s these girls that my culture has labeled as “Odd.” These are the girls past their mid twenties who aren’t crying in a hole somewhere because they’re single. And these are the girls who, by the brain-washing that we’ve all received, must have something wrong with them.
But, don’t think you can beat the system. If you succumb to the gender norms of our culture, you’re still a little nutty. Because now you’re that girl with “marriage on the mind.” And all the boys are scared to be nice to you because they think you’re expecting a proposal, and all the girls are weary of you because they think you’re on a mission. And if you’re past 30, it’s magnified; because at that point, you’re desperate. You’re complacent. You’ll take anything with a paycheck and conversational English.
So just to recap in case I’ve lost you: girls are raised to keep their eyes on the prize, which of course, is marriage. If they grow up chasing this fanciful ambition, they’re crazy. And if they grow up to reject this notion, they’re crazy. Hmm, so what’s a girl to do? I think I’ll just move to South America and pretend to be Latin. Lo siento señor, pero no quiero casarme ahora.
5 comments:
why cant you get married, travel the world, earn degrees, have babies, and all at the same time?
well written.. now write the mans perspective :)
just to clarify...it wasn't necessarily like this in OUR family...i think samantha's just venting about the entire culture's perspective.
bring on being called crazy! i'm all in for traveling south america...or better yet moving there. :) vamos a ver qué va a pasar!
haha.. believe me when i got to weddings people look at me like IM THE ODD ONE because im not married. but most people settle because they re afraid of being stigmatized and being alone. bump that. please es mejor que estar sola que mal acompanada!
oh please! seeing as how you've pegged me as the motivation behind this "a girl just can't win" theory, we should first separate crazy from the crazies. yes, it's me, your favorite coworker (you know, the EP you'd like to one day emulate).
yes there are some on the hunt, at all ages, that seemingly choose a spouse based on arbitrary criteria, most notably availability, just to get it over with. let's just call them the crazies for now.
there are some who choose to put all relationships on hold to fulfill other aspirations. those are the foolish in my book.
there are some that look at the institution of marriage as a necessary evil, no matter what the heart says. that's crazy period.
and there are some, who through the encouragement and/or pressure of others (i.e. family/friends/culture/magazines at the grocery store checkout line), decide to plan out their wedding day in excruciating details while still single. i still don't know what to call it, but "chance favors the prepared mind" i suppose... or is it "always plan ahead"? maybe it's "if you build it, they will come"? perhaps it's harmless fun -no different then when guys obsess over details in gadgets, cars, or zooey deschanel. the best part of it all is when these people are the same people who fall into either of the last two groups described above, to which there is no word to describe the level of nuttiness that exists.
stay cool selbouez...stay cool
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