Icky Thump

Day 2 of Lent (or Preparation Week, whatevs) and I’m trying to dig a little deeper.  People always talk about “the heart.” Especially when they’re talking about how God sees us.  They say “God sees the heart, not what you do.”  And that used to be comforting, or at least an excuse to fall a little short here and there.  But I started thinking the other day that it might not be as reassuring as I thought. 

If God really saw my heart, and not the things I do, I think He would be sadly disappointed…and maybe even grossed out.  Imagine all those Bible Studies, all those Liturgies, all those mornings of Quiet Time, all those Sunday School lessons; imagine they didn’t mean a thing.  But instead, the anger, the distrust, the doubt, the envy…all that icky stuff that creeps into our hearts…that’s what mattered.  And to paint an even worse picture, imagine those were all the things behind anything you ever did for God. 

On my way home last night, one of my favorite bands came on.  And as they sang, “You don’t know what love is, you just do as you’re told,” I kind of freaked out.  I honestly looked around my car as if someone was in the backseat secretly dictating my radio station.  Now, I’ve heard The White Stripes play this song many times; but I used to imagine it was me singing it to the male species.  This time, it felt like God was singing it to me.  He was telling me: “You just keep doing things.  You do the things you feel like you’re supposed to do, or what people have told you to do.  You think the way to build our relationship is by getting the Perfect Attendance Award.  But you have no idea what love is.  And it’s the only thing I’m looking for.”  And then I felt like a bum.

Yesterday, when I wrote about giving Christ the spotlight, this is what I was talking about.  Not just some outward, conscious focus on Jesus’ presence in my life; but actually loving Him.  And from that love, doing things to please Him.  It’s just like a marriage.  I used to freak out about all the stuff people said you’re supposed to do for your spouse.  Especially when I heard that “s” word.  You know the one.  Submission.  But with time I realized that if love was behind it all, nothing would seem like a task.  You just do things because you love someone, and you want them to be happy. 

That’s what I’m hoping to accomplish during Lent this year.  Building my love for God by recognizing His love for me.  Doing things not because I’m told to, but as an expression of love.

Dear God, thank you for Jack White.