Just a Heads Up

Lately, there’s been a lot of death going on. Not the best way to start the new year, but it’s the unfortunate truth. The problem with all this death (or I should say, MY problem) is that I'm probably the worst mourner out there. It’s not that I don’t feel sad, it’s that I don’t know how to show that I feel sad; especially if it’s not something that’s happened to me personally. I end up just feeling awkward. My words of condolence are a quick “Sorry” as I divert my eyes to the floor and walk away. And as much as I know how important it is to grieve alongside others, I am the worst at actually doing it. Add it to the list of my flaws.

So I started thinking about my own death. I guess that’s weird. But the part I was thinking about was people’s reactions. I don’t want them to be sad. I don’t want my mother to wear black. In fact, I want the exact opposite. I want people making jokes. It’s pretty much the perfect time to make fun of me, because I can’t get offended and I won’t have any comebacks. I want people to get together and say, “Hey, remember how Sam didn’t like hugs? So she’d always do that weird side hug thing and pat your belly? Oh man, what a weirdo.” I want them to remember the times we laughed, the dumb things I said, my awkwardness and lack of success with boys. I want my mom to find every picture she can where I’m sticking out my tongue, opening my mouth to obscene degrees, or smiling like it’s my 7^th grade yearbook picture. Maybe they can even get a drummer to hit a rim shot after every person makes their punch line. I want everyone wearing bold colors…maybe even make plaid and sneakers mandatory in honor of the deceased. Who knows, maybe throw in a little arts and crafts? “Here’s a stack of magazines, make a collage that Sam would be proud of.” I just want people to appreciate my wackiness, and use my death as an excuse to also be wacky. My awesomeness might just catch on…

At the end of the day, I don’t want anyone to be sad that I’m gone, but happy that I was there. And even more happy that God decided it was time for an upgrade. I don’t know about you guys….but a mansion on a street paved with gold seems a heck of a lot better than the guest room at my mom’s house.

So there you have it. In the event of my demise, please refer to this blog post and proceed accordingly. If I find out that people were reacting inappropriately, believe you me, I will get a permission slip from El Jefe to pay a visit and handle business back on earth. Don’t make me come down there.