I'm All Ears

For the past few weeks or so, there was a series going on at church called “Glorious Works.”  This whole series was about acknowledging what God wants you to do with your life (the dream He has for you), making a decision to follow it, and the course of events that usually proceeds that decision.  And conveniently, I’ve actually been able to personally apply this series throughout the past month or so.  But there’s one thing that I realized was missing.

One of the reasons I love my priest(s) is that I can ask him anything at any time and usually have a pretty good answer in about a week.  For an impatient, tech savvy, over-analyzer such as myself, this is critical.  So I emailed my priest the other day and asked, “I’ve been listening to this series, and I get the whole example of Abraham.  God said, ‘Abraham, you’re gonna have a kid.’ And Abraham said, ‘That’s impossible, but I have faith that it’ll happen.’ But how do we live with that kind of faith when we’re not even sure what God told us He would do in the first place?”  Sure enough, my priest emailed me back and said, “Hearing God’s voice is a whole separate topic.  This series was for people who’ve heard His voice and are having trouble obeying it.”  Crap.

I envy people who can hear God’s voice.  I don’t usually envy people.  Mostly because nothing that people have means that much to me.  But being able to hear the voice of God? Clearly? I’d sell my soul (which I guess is kind of ironic in this circumstance).  Abraham, Moses, Joshua, heck, even Peter…they knew exactly what God wanted of them.  God was kind enough to spell it out for those guys.  But me? I have no idea.  And it’s not like this stuff only happens in the Bible.  I’ve met people who have heard and can hear the voice of God.  You know they do because they’re doing something with purpose and they actually like it.  And the days that suck don’t faze them because they’re sure they’re on the right track.  I want to be one of those people.

My priest noted that hearing God’s voice is a lifelong journey, and it’s probably the biggest thing people struggle with.  So the silver lining is that I’m not alone in this.  Still, I hate the feeling of uncertainty.  I hate being confused.  It’s the main reason I stay away from big decisions.  “How do I know that this is what God wants?”  Even if I’m pretty sure that God’s giving me the green light, I end up second-guessing if the light was actually green.  Maybe it was more of a turquoise.

Please Dear God, just tell me what You want.  You know I’m bad with this stuff.  I can’t even tell what my mom wants unless she actually says it.  And she’s here in the flesh!  I can’t trust what I want anymore; so I’m done with pushing my will over Yours.  Maybe we can work out a Gideon compromise?  I don’t have fleece, but I have a towel at home that might work. 

Look forward to hearing from You.  Stay awesome.

Sincerely, S. Elbouez.