Weddings

I got 99 posts, and a…you know the rest.

Yes, it’s my 100^th post! Well, officially no, since I’ve deleted a few posts here and there.  But as far as Google is concerned at this moment, this is my 100^th post.  Maybe we should have a party! Or, I can just talk about what’s on my mind…per the usual.  Warning: I'm going to be negative in this one.

I don’t understand weddings.  I don’t know what happened to me as a child, but instead of growing up to dream about how pretty I want my wedding to be (a la every Egyptian female I know), I grew to hate weddings.  Yes.  Attending them, thinking about them, the whole shebang.  I don’t even like big parties, how could I possibly like weddings?

Maybe it’s because Egyptian weddings are so anti-everything-I-believe-in.  For example: the mandatory guest list of 200+ including old people you haven’t seen since you were 2 (or never).  Maybe it’s the ballroom setting, sitting at a table for hours next to people you don’t want to be sitting next to at a table for hours.  Maybe it’s the 800 other events leading up to the wedding (bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, let’s-spend-more-money-for-no-reason party, etc).   Maybe it’s the ridiculous wedding dresses, the horrible bridesmaid dresses (or just the number of bridesmaids in general.  Really? You have 10 best friends?), I don’t know what it is.  I just know that I never want one.  And no, I’m not saying this out of bitterness or resentment or whatever else that people like to blame single people for…I just don’t understand weddings.

If I ever get married (and if God has mercy on me, maybe one day that’ll happen), I want to go to church, have the Holy Spirit descend on me and my husband, making us one flesh before the eyes of God.  Then I want to have dinner.  That’s it.  Just one day; and not even half of the day.  Give me 3 hours (one for church, 2 for dinner).  Besides eloping (which, I’m not sure if the Coptic church condones.  Maybe I could Coptic-elope after liturgy on Sunday when everyone goes home), I just want to get married, and eat.  And if you want to share in my joy, come visit after we get back from our honeymoon.  We can even go out for dinner or something.  Maybe grab lunch.  Heck, send me a card.  Either way, I don’t need (or want) 200+ people in assigned seating, complaining about the colors I chose and how salty the chicken is, in order to celebrate me getting married.  That makes zero sense to me.

Sadly, I don’t think there’s an Egyptian mother-in-law who exists in the world who would ever let me get away with what I’ve just described.  And that makes me cry at night.  Not really.  But in the event that I ever do get married, this whole wedding business is going to be the thorn in my flesh (am I right, St. Paul?).