Waiting - Part 2

I still suck at waiting. 

Some days are better than others; but reflecting on the aggregate, I am a horrible waiter (as in person who waits, not person who takes your food order).  I guess the worst part about waiting is the crazy things your brain comes up with.  Between all the “what if’s” and “what will I do’s”, my brain is exhausted.  Heck, all of me is exhausted.  I’ve actually, for the first time in my adult life, lost sleep from my overactive mind.  It stinks.

But, according to the way God works, I’m apparently on the right track.  You see, I made the decision that I talked about a few blogs back.  It took some time, lots of prayer, advice from four different people, and more consideration than probably necessary…but I made my decision.  And what happened, you ask?  Nothing happened.  Well, next-to-nothing happened.  At least from where I’m standing.

I don’t regret the decision I’ve made.  And I don’t doubt God was the one pushing me to make it.  But when nothing’s happening, it’s hard not to go crazy.  It’s hard not to think you just made the stupidest mistake of your life.  And that’s what waiting does to me.  Waiting makes me fill in the blank with whatever thought crosses my mind; and that’s about a million per day…so about 9.5 million thoughts so far. 

I wish I was a more patient person.  I wish I wasn’t anxious.  I wish I could just sit here nicely and never worry about anything.  But the truth is, I can’t.  Waiting is my kryptonite. 

Please God, hurry up.  I know everything is made perfect in Your time.  I know You know what You’re doing.  I know there’s a reason behind all this waiting.  But honestly, I’m all out of patience, because I never really had any to begin with.  I know You never said everything would work out the way I want it to.  I just pray that whatever happens next doesn’t suck.